I can’t give any kind of summary of this book that hasn’t been given before. It’s been widely dissected, superimposed, and even applied. Instead, I’ll just copy and paste a general outline with some of my thoughts and favorite quotes as sub-bullets. I hope it’s helpful.
· Part 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
- Principle 1: Don’t criticize condemn, or complain
- Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation
- “Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise”
- I found this principle the most useful. Carnegie reiterates it throughout the remainder of the book. If I have one takeaway from this book, it is to praise everyone for everything that is praiseworthy. Look for the good in people and point out every bit of it you can see.
- Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want
- This is a cute idea, and it’s the crux of the sale; but it’s not something intuitively understandable. Essentially, it’s the recognition of agency. You can’t make someone do anything, you can only incentivize it. The art of creating a conversation/environment that makes them want it is a black art to me. Carnegie isn’t too helpful on this front
· Part 2: Six Ways to Make People Like You
- Principle 1: Become genuinely interested in other people
- I’m interested if I’m learning. Carnegie reiterates Hemingway “Emerson said: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.” That’s a beautiful thing to remember
- Principle 2: Smile
- Principle 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
- Principle 4: Be a good listener
- This should read “seek first to understand and then to be understood” -Covey
- Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
- This is a sub bullet of “arousing an eager want”
- Principle 6: Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely
· Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
- Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
- Principle 2: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
- There is a great story about a Shakespeare quote that a guest misattributed to the bible. Carnegie corrected him but concludes that he should have let the man er.
- Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
- This is so valuable! Don’t die on a lost battlefield!!
- Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way
- Principle 5: Get the other person saying, “yes, yes” immediately
- Principle 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
- Principle 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
- Principle 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
- Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
- Principle 10: Appeal to the nobler motives
- Principle 11: Dramatize your ideas
- Principle 12: Throw down a challenge
· Part 4: Be a Leader—How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Rousing Resentment
- Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation
- Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
- Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
- Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
- Principle 5: Let the other person save face
- Principle 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
- Principle 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
- Principle 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
- Principle 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
The meat of the book is contained in the first section. Most of the rest of it is memorable anecdotes. This is the kind of book that I would want to return to again and again. I probably will! If only in summary format. For now, I’m going to focus on pointing out all the good that I see.
Verdict. -Highly recommend